Click Clack Click

My heart belongs to Africa. Tomorrow marks one month since I came home. I miss it so much it hurts.  I look at my photos and I literally start crying every time I look at the kids faces. I remember the experiences I had and I cry and laugh at the same time. I know I am going back soon (God willing) But it's still hard.

I feel like those silver balls that are suspended on a frame and go click clack in  perfect harmony.
Australia- Africa- Australia- Africa

I am so excited about going back but I am aware of the huge life change that this will entail. Giving away all that I own to follow Jesus. I will be dropping my nets to follow him when He calls me to come.

I have unanswered  why questions that go click clack click too- unresolved threads that won't simply roll up and slot into an African shaped box in my head. They spill out unannounced and demand to be heard.


1.Why we prayed long and hard and fervently and anointed her with oil but she died anyway.
2. Why I prayed and believed and only one part got healed and not the other
3.Why my heart is drawn to a particular country within Africa but the job I want to do I can't do there with that NGO and I really want to work with that NGO.
4.Why .... unfolded like it did .... It doesn't make sense and it makes me angsty and mad because it was still AMAZING even though it makes me angsty- which I guess is the part that doesn't make sense.


I am angry at God. For letting me see a glimpse of where I want to be and then sending me back here.. for not having giving me the answers to my why questions....For making me deal with reality.

I am not alone and seriously God and I are going to be just fine. He likes my honesty because he can work with it.... I just need to grieve and praise God and put my unanswered questions on the altar and sacrifice my want to know the whys in pursuit of a deeper relationship with the Knower of everything.

I am in his hands tonight and my African shaped heart is in His heart.