In 12 Days

In 12 days I will be leaving on a jet plane and I don't know when I'll be back again..


I vacillate between excitement and absolute terror...

I know I will miss my parents so much. I am blessed with parents that love me unconditionally and want the best for me. I will miss bantering with Mum on a regular basis... today it was how sentimental we both are- I was unpacking the last of my boxes that I brought home from Central Qld that didn't get sold- this is the stuff I need for my trip or the memories that I can't bear to part with- it turns out that she is as sentimental as I am and stuff that I was happy to give away she vetoed and said I should keep.. I love this about my Mum. I will miss lying next to her in bed in the mornings after Dad has got up and just chatting together- snug and warm under the doona as we listen to the birdsong in the trees,  and the wind in the leaves outside the glass picture window that frames their bedroom.  I will miss her trying to offer me something of hers that I have commented on that is pretty or interesting- she'll invariably say "do you want it?" I will even miss her propensity for lateness because she can't find her watch, or her wedding rings or the perfect top to go with the slacks she is wearing.

I will miss my Dad being there. For the endless cups of tea he makes me, for the serviettes he always offers when we eat dinner, for the way he listens when I have something to share that I am pondering on. I got cross with him today, I felt so sad...when after my 1 minute of yelling at him subsided and  I was  instantly was repentant. He is so willing to forgive- when I yell he just stands there and takes it... he doesn't fight back which makes me feel worse really. He is so amazing! He just quietly works in the background, doing jobs around the house, puttering away on the computer. I love how he says I can't drive (because of his brain injury) but I drive around the whole world on the internet.

They both demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness and self-control. I love them for that. Somebody asked me the other day how long I will be overseas and when I said indefinitely I realised that in going to follow my calling and my dreams I leave them behind.

I can't quite take it in.

I will miss my little bro. We are like chalk and cheese- so different. When were kids we used to fight like cats and dogs over everything! As we have grown up we have learnt to appreciate each others differences. I am so proud of him. Running 3 businesses successfully is no mean feat. I went to help him at his bar in the Valley this week. They are renovating. I was so happy to help and I was excited to see what was taking shape and the rough untouched beauty that emerged from behind painted chipboard when that was torn way. I got into trouble for saying something I shouldn't and his response made me sad. I had forgotten I shouldn't say it which was why I accidentally said it  and he was tired and cranky so his response was quite forceful. This  would have been a recipe for disaster in the old days and something that I would still be stewing over. Instead I took a walk- calmed down and apologised and discussed it with him. We were fine after that and I really enjoyed spending 15 minutes going to return a ute he had borrowed for the renos with him. He even bought me a drink. Our relationship has changed so much and I am so thankful. I probably wouldn't have cared that much 10 years ago but now I am really going to miss his hugs and his deep wisdom and listening ear. I am going to miss his messy car and me constantly cleaning it for him. I will even miss his evil smoking habit which I seriously hope he kicks soon... I'll miss it because it's apart of him and I love him no matter what he does.

I am going to miss my bestie and her four beautiful girls. She has developed such a sense of style. I am seeing her wear colours that I'd never dream she'd choose- green high heel shoes and scarves! So elegant. She used to say I had the fashion sense and that she was always under dressed. Not now Sista!  I love it that we like the same movies and have been known to go see a double feature just for kicks! I love that I talk about a movie not expecting her to want to go and that's the one she really wants to see too! I will miss our deep and meaningful conversations about Life and Jesus and doing Life with Jesus. She is a lady of wisdom and I have loved her being there when I've needed a shoulder to cry on. She is such a good friend. She drove all the way to Central Qld to visit me for my birthday. Just her and her four angels in the car- 12 hours each way.. she cleaned my house, she cooked my birthday dinner and made me feel so special. I even love how she tries to get me to change my food and nutrition habits- well lovely I'm sugar free because of you and I'm going to try and stay that way :)

I will definitely miss her beautiful girls. I watched them make their Mother's belly swell and give her lots of sleepless nights as they were small. I remember holding them all and just being in awe at the wonder of a new little one coming into the world. I loved coming over once a week when I lived in Brisbane and having dinner and bathing them all. I would have a bath time song repertoire that included "singing in the rain" and " rubber duckie you're the one". I got to do this again the other night- they are getting so big now that all 4 won't fit in the tub together for much longer!. I adore their hugs and their stories...I love that I am their Honorary Auntie. I don't bother explaining it to people now and I just say I have nieces and leave it at that.

There are others too. Dear friends who I love who have left a friendly footprint on my heart. These are people who care, who listen, who are kind and are so generous- in time, in resources in spirit. I am so grateful to all of them.

I know that there is a postal service in Africa and email and Skype but it won't be quite the same. These people are special and that makes leaving on that jet plane all that much harder..


I know though that they are proud of me... that they are my cheer squad and are cheering me on as I launch myself like a butterfly on the wind- soaring the heights. If I stayed on the ground and didn't go that wouldn't be right either.... and so I count the days, and I am thankful. I am loved, I am valued and these dear ones are part of the rich tapestry that make my life more meaningful, more memorable, more colourful.

I look forward and I go on.. knowing that when I need to find a place to rest I can always come back home.