A Slice of Real

Life has been a bit tricky lately... I’ve been feeling irritated and grumpy and hubby and I have been clashing a bit. 

There’s lots going on-COVID (aka bloody ‘rona) is taking a toll on everything, figuring out next steps about children (arrgh!),  hubby’s ongoing fibromyalgia battle, low self-esteem because of my weight... I know people see me as a strong, happy person... but some days it’s just hard. 

I was talking to my bestie recently and explaining a problem I had been having and the feelings associated with it... she told me that it was OK to validate my feelings. I seriously had to stop for a second and ask her what she meant... Validate meaning to acknowledge them and be OK that this was how I was feeling right now. 

Like many of us I’m quite good at venting but then I always tend to feel guilty about it afterwards and strive to be more “peace love and apple pie” next time... 

I have been pondering this today and I realised she is so right. We need to validate how we are feeling and allow ourselves to feel like we feel when we feel utter rubbish- it’s called being real. Human! In getting stuck in the thoughts of guilt accompanying venting or other negative emotion I wasn’t allowing myself to process instead trying to pretend that everything is OK when it clearly wasn’t. 

I’ve also recognised that mental health issues are definitely still a stigma in our society... and people don’t share. So I am... I rang the doctor today and I’m going to get Mental Health Plan to go back to my Pyschologist and talk through some of this stuff... because I’m worth it and I’d rather be proactive and acknowledge that things aren’t completely OK right now and that’s OK. 

Thirsting for Living Water

It’s no secret that the last month or so has been really hard. I had three hard things to work through professionally, Hubby has been quite sick, my expectations for two different friendships haven’t been met plus, The cherry on my terrible horrible no good very bad month? I found out this week that a friend of mine who got married after us had a beautiful baby this week. 

I cried... it was like never ending sadness. Because, I’ve been diagnosed with a medical condition that means getting pregnant would be a complete miracle and I’ve wanted to give birth  for as long as I can remember. 

The other week I woke up with the worst dry throat. I’d been sick with tonsillitis which had exacerbated it plus I breath through my mouth when I sleep which doesn’t help. That dry icky feeling lasted at least half a day even after chugging mega amounts of water. 

Dry... that’s how I would describe myself at the moment... dry and in need of major living water to refresh my soul and my spirit. My relationship with God has been suffering because of it and I sense I’m more irritable. 

I stayed back late at work this afternoon and got talking to the cleaner who sounded like she was having a trying day too.  She said that she was just counting down the days until holidays, which I understand but I did say to her that there is a lot to be thankful for in between. 

I realised in that moment that I’d let my feelings dictate who I was- and my bad experiences frame my thinking. When really whilst they were completely valid they aren’t a true indication of what is going on. 

If I wanted my life to be full of hope and joy and peace and fun and pizza (because pizza always helps) then I’d need to choose it... I’d need to change my mindset and frame my story as one of incomplete and beautiful- like a piece of clay on the potters wheel being molded and shaped into something truly good. 

Like rain bursting from the heavens speaking words of life over my self and my circumstance  changes the atmosphere... 

It’s important to be wholistic though this is not pie in the sky, name and claim it churchy-ainity this is real hard stuff, involving my body: eating better and going to the gym three times a week  instead of never. My mind; seeing a good psychologist when needed and of making time to be still and rest and of setting good boundaries. And my spirit taking more time to be still in God’s presence. 

Tonight I feel better- I can feel the rains are coming... the drops are softly falling on my face and I can hear a whisper from heaven My Child I love you... let me love you more, give me your sadness and your broken dreams and I will give you something unique and beautiful. 

My husband has Aspergers... or how I wig with his head Part 2

So last week I managed to wig out my husband and it really confuddled me... 

We had bought two nice new lamps that needed some adjustment so my hot and handy man said he’d do it... except he didn’t have the right tool for the job. So, I suggested he go to the next door neighbour and ask to borrow the tool he needed... easy right? I even told him his name as he just happened to be the husband of a work colleague... 

Now we live in a duplex and just prior to this wig out we’d met the teacher who lived next to us... my D.H had even had a conversation about a lawnmower with her... 

So when I said go to the next door neighbour in my head I thought he’d put two and two together and figure out I meant the next house after the duplex... 

Sometime later my husband comes home with the light all fixed and interesting stories of our neighbours job (he blows things up for the mine) he casually tells me that he had gone directly next door to the duplex neighbour and knocked on her door... 

He said he thought it was a little odd that a family with 2 kids would live with our duplex neighbour but he’d just shrugged and knocked anyway... 

Moral of the story... 

be explicit VERY EXPLICIT 

My husband has Aspergers... or how I wig with his head Part 1

So my wonderful husband is home this year and will be studying teaching full time at uni. While I’m at work all day he has agreed to complete household jobs for us. 

Today’s list consisted of the following; 

1. Find the printer cable (we’ve moved it’s in a box somewhere) 

2. Do Mum’s budget (because we promised and he’s good at that sort of thing) 

3. Access his uni email and check if there is anything important (because he still needs a placement) 

4. Clean the kitchen (we had dishes to put away) 

5. Washing (because a girl always needs clean underwear) 

6. Heating dinner (already cooked just reheating) 

I rang my Darling Husband hereafter known as D.H at about 5:30pm as I was still at work and was processing our loud what we were going to do about our grocery online order as Woolies wasn’t doing online due to the floods (go figure?? It makes no sense) 

And I could tell he was in a grumpy mood...

I got home at 7pm (yes I know I worked a long day) to a sparkling floor throughout our house ) and a very grumpy husband. 

Now why was he grumpy you ask? Well it took a good hour for me to determine this. But I knew he was grumpy because he had mopped every inch of the house and was now in the office slinging boxes around unpacking.. this is a bad sign... I’ve come home before to a sparkling house and had a long disagreement with my D.H over a seemingly trivial matter (we lost the remote for a couple of weeks that time he’d box tidied it in frustration) 

So I let him be for a bit and asked if he wanted to be left alone or to talk to me... when he told me he wanted to be left alone... not cool...

Later I asked him if I had upset him... 

Affirmative I was slightly confused as I had been knee deep in teenage angst and career counselling all day...

Apparently I’d set unrealistic expectations this morning and he hadn’t got ALL the jobs done so this was wigging him OUT!  

Because I’d used the words “clean the kitchen” not tidy the kitchen he interpreted this as vacuum, mop and clean the kitchen... and because he couldn’t just vac and mop the kitchen he’s continued throughout our (albeit) small 2 bedroom house. 

I was so confused and somewhat bemused in my head I was waiting for my logical rational husband to come up with the punchline to today’s joke but no I’d really messed up... 

so humbly I apologised and he forgave me (Always) and our evening continued.

Lesson of the evening...

Be careful with phrasing clean and tidy are not interchangeable 

Combating spiritual juju

Spiritual juju? Twisted Christian or spiritual tradition based on man's interpretation of faith or bible teaching. 

Example; "God won't give you anything you can't handle.

Not an actual scripture verse... spiritual juju at its finest... Deception designed to wrap you up in bondage and distance you from a personal relationship with Father God. 

Bible truth? 

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces preseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

2 Timothy 4:3

You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food- catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you! Keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant. (The Message) 

How to combat spiritual juju? 

Colossians 2:8-10

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world  rather than on Christ. 

Spend time reading Biblical truth and hearing God's still small voice for yourself. 

If well meaning friends or family counsel or encourage you- recognise that if it doesn't sit well with you don't receive it, let it bounce off you...

 For too long I have worried about letting people down when I make decisions, and living my life for this unseen audience instead of living my life for an audience of One (Father God). I've come to recognise that I can't please everyone- in fact the only approval that I need is God's approval and I already have that! Even better? I got this before I even did anything!! Do you remember when Jesus was baptised by John and the Holy Spirit descended on Him like a dove? 

Luke 3:22b

And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love;with you I am well pleased. 

He hadn't done anything yet! No miracles no nothing... And yet God affirmed His love for him and accepted him! 

He does the same for us as sons and daughters... Loves and approves of us! 

I'm in a season of change at the moment... Lots of exciting/nerve wracking decisions on the horizon and lots of past stuff that I have been processing so that I don't carry it into my new season. 

My new professional supervisor for work said this to me in our first session... "Life is not a tightrope it's a playground!" 

I love this thought, for so long I've worried about making decisions and have used a spiritual juju as the main reason why I do stuff.. It can cripple you! No more! 

I love this thought of playgrounds! I can see God the Good Good Father standing there... Saying look... Do you want to go on the swings? Go for it! You want to try out the slide? I'll be there when you climb that ladder... Everything is here for your enjoyment.. I know you're going to live a life that serves me and honours me. It's OK rejoice! 

Yay for new seasons and rest in Christ! 

Coats and Hats and the Prophetic

I have been noticing recently in #thischristianlife especially as a New Year starts that we tend to be super keen to find out exactly what God is saying. We look for Prophetic words to start our year off well or we've had an obscure prophetic word that sounds so tantalising that we've been holding on to it for years- and wonder if this year is the year where it unfolds even though it doesn't quite make sense.


We are like someone walking on the path when suddenly a wise man appears and hands you a hat and says "here this hat is for you." Because we've always wanted a nice warm hat we put it on. Further on the path we see a Wise Woman. This Woman gives you a scarf and you wrap it around your neck and marvel at it's length. By the time you  have finished walking down that section of the path you may be covered in head to foot with articles of clothing! You may even have gone to such lengths as seeing the Coat Man in the distance you run up to him and beg him to give you a coat...you may end up with one two sizes too small for you that you spend half an hour squeezing into it..... But you don't care you have a COAT from the COAT MAN!!!

You know what we're really supposed to do is to visit the Father in the House on the Hill daily (all pathways lead to his house). As you enter through the door which is also left open.  As  you enter whenever you wish because he always longs to see us.. you  place the coats and hats and scarves on the hooks in the hallway set up exactly for that purpose and go into the Lounge Room where he is sitting by the Fire and drink tea and chat. As you do he'll show you the path you're supposed to be walking and what articles of clothing you'll need. You might find that the Coat you squeezed into?.. Definitely NOT yours because it's a WINTER COAT and your path is  a  path near the ocean and full sun where you'll need togs and towel and sunnies! He'll approve the hat you were given and explain how to wear it well  and you'll be prepared for your walk down the path and you'll even have inside tips into how to know which people you should accept the articles of clothing because you're not chasing the articles of clothing anymore you know where you are going because you have a deep relationship with the Father.

This year I know I want to be chasing the very heart of the Father yes, any Prophetic words I happen to receive I will examine but I will ALWAYS take them to the Father and see what He has to say about them and only receive the ones that He approves of (because they came from Him anyway!)

The fog of uncertainty

I have been feeling lately like there is a bit of uncertainty in my life at the moment. #this universitylife #masters is fast coming to an end. Next year I know for sure that I will be in Townsville but that's about it... 

Here is a preview of my uncertain shopping list

1. new place to live 
2. new job/s (including maybe Guidance Counselling)
3. INSERT NUMBER 3 here

I was talking to a new friend yesterday afternoon and I got this picture of a swirling fog of uncertainity... a fog of confusion, even though I know that I am standing on solid rock, I cannot see more than a finger breadth in front of my face. 

I have many new friends who are cheering me on and I know for sure that I am not alone, but oh boy do I want to get out of the fog! I seriously want to run a thousand miles in the opposite direction. 

Do you remember when Luke Skywalker crashes his ship in the swamp on the Dagobah system in Star Wars Empire Strikes Back? If I start running by myself I'll definitely get sucked under by a swamp monster just like R2D2 did then spit back up and land upside down in a tree root. Which undoubtedly means I'll get even more muddy and slimy because I'm human not a droid!

I realised today that this fog,  unlike the Dagobah system is a fog created by God-  not to punish me or to scare me but because he doesn't want me to know everything right now... my focus needs to continue to be finishing the 4 and a half assessment pieces I have to go,  jumping from one solid stepping stone to the next, even though I literally cannot see. 

 I have to TRUST that the uncertainty is for purpose. Not only that, I need to EMBRACE the uncertainty because it was CREATED by God who LOVES me. 

Really, it's like a massive game of hide and seek, you know that the one you love the most is somewhere... but you don't quite know where, so with the child like faith of a child I choose to take a step INTO the uncertainty NOT away from it.

Because.. well like a loving Father I know for sure he will be there somewhere, my PapaGod ALWAYS has treasure in his pockets!